Technologically Trendy

   In the 80s, there was always some new technology being created and brought to the public. All of the things that the people thought we’re so amazing and technologically advanced, are items that we take for granted today. When the Walkman was invented, people had this new concept of listening to their music wherever they went. Most people today don’t even see that as an advanced invention. 

  I am so overjoyed about the technology that was introduced in the 80s, but I just hope the styles that they were first introduced to us as, don’t ever see the light of day again, unless they are sold in antique stores.

   My dad thought he was so darn cool when the Bag Phone came out. It looked like he had a man bag, and he was beaming. The ability to contact someone anywhere you were was a magical process. The fact that you had to hold a brick up to your ear (which was probably a great work-out, especially for those ladies that really wanted to enhance and broaden their shoulders) wasn’t so magical. I bet when the mobile phone first came out, the people who didn’t know about it probably thought the world had gone crazy. “Why is that man having a passionate conversation with that inanimate object?”

Shoulder Pads & Platform Shoes Experiment with the Sexes

   The other day I went to a store, picked out some clothes and went to the dressing room. I had tried on this dress and to my surprise my shoulders looked a bit bulky. At first, I thought it was me but then I realized there was foam padding on top of my shoulders. I’d prefer not to look manly in a dress and I don’t think I’ll be lifting anyone up on my shoulders (in a dress) that I would need some padding for. 

   So, designers are trying their luck again with these shoulder pads. Back in the late 1980s, when shoulder pads were really taking off (or should have been taken off), ladies would have Velcro sown into the shoulders of their jackets and tops so they could actually add more padding. By the early 1990s, some shoulder pads were actually the size of dinner plates. Personally, I wouldn’t want to get my nice blazer roughed up in a football game, where shoulder pads actually serve a logical purpose. 

    I happen to have a few pairs of platform shoes in my closet today and sadly it wouldn’t surprise me if I knew my dad had some in his closet back then. I understand that platform shoes are much more comfortable to wear than say stilettos and I guess I should be thankful for that… I really don’t feel like picturing men wearing stiletto heels if they were in style back then. 

   If lived back in that time, I just know I would be completely turned away by men wearing shoes higher than mine. Sure, if you’re a self-conscious male worried about your height, don’t go sulk and put on some platform shoes. I would embrace your height and people will love you for who you are, and the ladies won’t care if don’t know how to walk in pumps properly, trust me.

Hot Wheels, Literally

Ford Pinto

   Cars have come a long way over the years, and thank Goodness for that. It’s good to know that car companies have made mistakes, but have also learned from them. The Ford Pinto is a great example of car companies “learning from their mistakes”.

The Ford Pinto was a car that weighed no more than 2,000 pounds and didn’t cost a dollar over $2,000. But before you start dishing out the cash for this automobile, make sure you know about its gas tank defects. Since the gas tank was located in the back of the car, if you happened to be following a Pinto at say 30 mph and then rear end the car, the gas tank would rupture. If you just so happened to be going 10 mph faster and rear end a Pinto, the car doors would be jammed shut with the passenger inside, engulfed in flames. Talk about a hot car.

Ford Pinto on Fire

"The Bigger the Hair, the Smaller the Hips"

There are two, major hair trends that were a staple of the 80s:

1) The Big, Hairsprayed, Teased Look

2) The Greasy, Shiny, Hair

These two, extremely different hairstyles were regrettably, some of the most popular things to do “back in the day.”

A can of hairspray a day will make your hair stay, forever. In all seriousness, how long did it take for some of those girls to wash out and comb through their teased and unruly hair? Not only would you be brushing your hair for hours, you would get a headache that would last for days! I totally understand that, at the time, it was just the way they did their hair. Those poor girls and boys didn’t know any better. They didn’t know that the constant use of hairspray and backcombing would cause their hair to break off and split. A good comparison to this poor treatment of one’s hair is kind of like smoking cigarettes. At the time, the kids didn’t know that it could cause cancer. So, by using excessive amounts of hairspray and teasing your hair today is your own fault because you should know better. 

   Going from one extreme to the next, I’m going to talk about the greasy, shiny look. I think if I had to choose between stiff, tangled hair or smoothed down, oily hair I’d have to say that I would pick the oily hair. This will probably be the only time that gross, oily hair that has been infused with grease will ever win any sort of competition.

The product “SoulGlo” was brought to my attention by the movie Coming to America. Now, this hair product literally looks like somebody put straight olive oil into a spray bottle. I can see some of the benefits it might offer someone with a dry scalp, but that stuff would get messy! If you are using this product, just don’t rest your head on any surface unless you want the whole world to know you were there.

The Fanny Pack and Other Mistakes

  When the fanny pack was first engineered, I’m sure its producers thought that the idea of it was very practical. However, the creators of the fanny pack did not seem to notice how unattractive the pack actually looked on a human being. Unfortunately, other people didn't seem to notice either.
 

  Now, I’m not trying to be mean because I know my parents have worn those things countless times on those infamous, Disney World trips. I guess the fanny pack has a nice, hands-free option, but do you know what is even more convenient than the fanny pack? Pockets. If you’re walking around Disney, you probably shouldn’t have something strapped around your waist that says, “Hey I don’t know how to dress up my belly, but all of my important belongings are right here, in this bag.” Basically, what I’m trying to say is that, sure, the fanny pack may be useful in some ways, but you’re still risking a lot by wearing one. 

P.S. If you happen to be wearing a neon or sequined visor with the fanny pack, the combination is extremely detrimental. You would probably be better off if you were to dress up as one of the theme park characters and be somebodies hero.